ASSiNine News – Philly CheeseSteak Memo – Released

ASSiNine News

Stowe, Vermont

Breaking News


The Philly CheeseSteak Memo


In an extraordinary and somewhat questionable move this morning Fill Night, Exec Director of V.S.O.A.P. (Vermont Society of Organic Alternative Facts), unclassified and fully released what are being called the Night- Philly CheeseSteak Memo’s.

Shockwaves were felt through out the country, as Night alleges that Philadelphia Eagles Quarterback, Nick Foles, has been under investigation by the Agency V.S.O.A.P. , since his time with the Kansas City Chiefs.

The memo goes on to state that Foles, has been regularly consuming Philly ChesseSteaks as part of a regular diet, including, pre- game and half- time consumption, which are believed to be performance enhancing and has been on the NFL Ban list for the last 52 years. Known as The NFL’s Anti- Eagles clause.

What’s even more disturbing, is that the League and  Roger Goodell have been complicit with Foles consumption of Philly CheeseSteaks and may have over – looked the illegal consumption, as part of a plot to over-throw the New England Patriots Dominance. This was never more evident than yesterday, when Foles, a 2nd String QB, took over the Super Bowl and went Offensive punch for punch with Tom Brady.

The Blue Donkey was cited for having a particularly “tasty” Philly CheeseSteaks, which was known to Foles and may have been providing the NFL Banned substance to Foles, via overnight delivery, adding the potential for “mail fraud” as part of the crimes committed.

Fill Night, a known Patriots homer, touted that, he stood by the memo 100% and vowed to get to the bottom of things.

It is widely believed Tom Brady and Robert Kraft, will be filing charges in Federal Court this Morning.

Neither, the Blue Donkey , nor Nick Foles were available for comment at the time of the press release.


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